YouTube Destroyed My Dating Life

4/11/2018

The internet does not tell you the personal social struggles you face when trying to launch a successful YouTube channel. You want to be free in creating content, but what message does that send potential suitors? YouTube destroyed my dating life.

Dating as a twentysomething is tough. Dating as a millennial is tough. The dating game of flirting, caring, and acting like you don't care is tough. But, we all want to date.

I hate when a guy that I just started talking with discovers my YouTube channel. Once they do, I often find myself asking them to not watch my videos. It is an awkward conversation nonetheless because their minds wander and then they assume the worst. Or they disregard my request and watch anyway, which I find highly disrespectful. Or they become turned off by my exposed insecurity or meanness. The list really goes on.

Why don't I just let them watch my videos? I'm proud of what I make. Leaving my channel out of the picture seems like a losing situation for the both of us. But to me, sharing my channel is even worse.

My public figure self becomes their first impression of me that I cannot shake.

They Think I'm Narcissistic

Before they find my YouTube channel, they scope out my Instagram (@LesleyyX1) and add me on Snapchat (LezDaPez). I have to post selfies and suggestive captions. Half my audience is male. I need to show off my material goods. We live in Kim K's world!

Perhaps they stumble upon my Twitter (@LesleyyX1)? The platform where diary-posts and snarky comments are rewarded. Although I try my best to avoid the petty mainstream, it can happen because it has happened.

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I mutually follow friends, former classmates, frenemies, and other peers on these platforms. But these platforms are set to public so I can welcome my YouTube audience with open arms. I don't mean to brag to my inner circle to put others down. (Honestly, I'm embarrassing myself more than anything since I probably look like a try-hard.) I'm simply marketing myself to the masses, the internet...the world?

They Think I'm Petty AF

Everybody experiences friendship fall outs, mistakes, and bad breakups. I'm not going to apologize for being human. But the thing is... humans also like conflict. So, I do post about drama and not brunch with my grandma.

If I want to share a story, I will. But know that a lot of thought goes into posting a video. Did this person make a mistake or are they a mean person? Will people know whom I'm talking about and then bully them? How can I assure people know I'm only sharing my side and that I have faults too? I'm looking to produce entertainment not a hateful video.

But if someone were to watch my content alone without meeting me, they probably think I spend the majority of my time gossiping and bashing my best friends. I have better things to do, like play sims.

They Think It's a Set Up

Am I interested in dating them or am I in pursuit of a story? Honestly, it is always the former. I have no intentions on using someone. But also, don't give me a story to tell.

Maybe they think I envision them being in my videos? They have jobs and different comfort levels. Sure, it would be fun to do couple-y challenge videos, but I don't have expectations of that.

I want support. I do need to vlog moments or to have my picture taken. I pride myself in doing a lot myself, but I'd love to have that help.

They Think That They Know Me...But They Don't!!

I post my entire life online. I have no filter, no respect for privacy, no boundaries...right? But really, you are only getting a glimpse of what I want you to see. I don't mind being vulnerable or emotional on camera, but it's not a therapy session.

via GIPHY

The way I present myself on camera is very similar to the real me, but it's still not me.

I mean, there's an editing and upload process. I have an image and narrative that I must play out to complete my brand. If you took me seriously, you would think I'm after men for their money. Puh-leeez, I've always imagined myself as the bread winner. I'm a Leo after all...

Have you had the same experiences? Please share in the comments so us small YouTubers know that we are not alone!

Want to read more in my 'Small YouTuber' series? Check out these articles:

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